Guess Who’s Back? 🎉

After months of unemployment, ya girl is officially employed again!

Remember when I said I was calm? Well, that inner peace paid off because… I just got hired last Monday! Cue the confetti 🎊

Now, the only thing left to do is fix my sleeping pattern. But let’s be real—my body clock is already doing the cha-cha because I pulled an all-nighter just to finish my training modules. Worth it? Absolutely. Sleep-deprived? 100%. Regrets? Zero.

But you know what? Despite the lack of sleep, I feel nothing but grateful. Thank You, Lord—this one’s all You.

Finding Peace in the Moment

Wow, I don’t think I’ve felt this peaceful in… forever.

There’s something amazing about truly living in the moment. When you let go of stress and just be, everything starts to feel lighter. Calmness takes over, and life just flows.

That’s it. That’s the post.

Grateful for this peace. Here’s to better days ahead! 🙏✨

Celebrating My Small Wins (Because I Deserve It!)

It’s been a while since I last felt genuinely proud of myself for my small wins.

Lately, happiness has felt like a luxury—like I’ve been stuck in survival mode, tiptoeing through life, anxious about not having a job while simultaneously feeling the pressure of having one. (The irony, right?)

But at the start of this month, I decided to give gratitude journaling a shot. And I don’t want to jinx it, but…I think it’s working. Shifting my mindset—choosing to notice the good instead of drowning in the stress—is starting to pay off.

Today’s small wins:
✅ My TikTok shop orders finally arrived (instant serotonin boost!).
✅ I managed to fix a wooden laptop stand with oily glue (MacGyver mode: activated).
✅ Re-re-rearranged my room yet again—because a fresh space = a fresh mind.
✅ Heard Mass at the village park, which was a much-needed moment of peace.

These might seem like little things, but today, they felt big to me. And honestly? I deserve to celebrate them.

My reward? A well-earned episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 17. (Because nothing says “treat yourself” like fierce queens and legendary lip-syncs!)

Thank you, Lord, for this productive day and for my small wins. 🌿✨

Changing things up

Today, as I am listening to The Secret audiobook, I've thought of changing things up on how I do journaling.

I've started to change how I'll blog in this. All the gratitude journaling will now be written in my black notebook that was given to me by my niece when she found out that I got laid off.

This blog will be back as my safe space. My confidant about my feelings. My trauma dump basically.

This will be a detour of my thoughts. Like a pit stop before I change back to thinking good and happy thoughts.

Doing the best I can (1/2)

DATE: February 17, 2025

I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

1. An opportunity to start with a clean slate.

2. Stretchings and Ho'oponopono as new additions to my morning routine.

3. Water.

WHAT WOULD MAKE TODAY GREAT?

1. Wanting to start fresh, but still be kind to myself.

2. Will try to look for job opportunities.

3. Walk in the park.

DAILY AFFIRMATION:

"I am kind to myself, and I celebrate my small wins. I trust that I am doing the best I can, and that's enough."

--

I woke up with a clear mind today. Hindi ako masyadong clear with my intentions as of now, but I have intentions - if that makes sense. I just want everything to go smoothly today. I want to think positively, kahit delusional. I want today to be productive, kahit pano may nagawa naman ako in life.

I guess I need to assess. I need to have my "Why" first. For now, wala kasi akong ganun kaya hindi ako nakakapagsimula. Like ano ba yung pinaghuhugutan ko bakit I want to find a job. Is it for me talaga, or is it para manahimik yung mga kamaganak ko telling me to find a job?

As much as gusto kong magapply for multiple job opportunities, I want a job opening that will arrive in the perfect time. It also has the perfect setup and the perfect salary. The job that, I believe, will save me from this financial rut.

So help me, God. Let's do this!

Trusting I'm exactly where I need to be (2/2)

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAY:

1. Shakey's for lunch. Na-slight lang ako ng tatay ko kasi parang labag pa sa kalooban niya na gumastos.

2. Visited mom, kahit quick lang. Maybe I should visit her alone, have an alone time with her.

3. Sister finally paid, at least may pera na ako.

WHAT DID I LEARN TODAY?

I guess there's nothing wrong with what I'm feeling. Parang at this point, I need to be at peace kahit the world is trying to fuck you over. Dapat kalmado lang unless pinrovoke ka. Tapos sila pa magagalit pag gumanti ako.

At this point, they will get mad at you for reacting, but I will always get mad them for the way they acted.

At some point kanina biglang naging autopilot mode ako. Na parang sa sobrang daming emotions ko, mostly the negative shit, biglang nag-shut down na lang ako.

Trusting I'm exactly where I need to be (1/2)

DATE: February 16, 2025

I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

1. An opportunity to wake up and start over.

2. Worship music today definitely setting today's mood.

3. The gift of life. Apparently I'm still okay despite my current struggles.

WHAT WOULD MAKE TODAY GREAT?

1. Being kind to myself today.

2. Being in a calm state.

3. I just want to get through the day and take it as it goes.

DAILY AFFIRMATION:

"I trust that I am exactly where I need to be. I am open to guidance, wisdom, and new opportunities that will help me fulfill my purpose."

With all that's happening lately, I feel lost. I don't know what path I'm taking right now. I'm not sure if the path I'm making right now is really for myself or for other people. I feel like I'm being forced to take their path in disguise of their concern over me. With this pressure I'm feeling, I'm in the middle of giving up and wanting to continue on.

I want to give up because of the frustration that I'm feeling over recent job application rejections. It is, indeed, giving me discouragement. However, there is still a part of me that wants to continue on. Part of me still wants to never give up. On this little body of mine I can still see that there's still a light at the end of the tunnel.

I want to believe that the situation I'm in right now is just preparing me for something better. I think I need to trust and (especially) enjoy the process. It's not a race but I believe that this just a setback until I'm ready for my comeback.

I hope to see the signs of opportunities and I want to apply whenever an opportunity lights up.

This is my ultimatum if I get employed:

- I will prioritize paying debts.

- I will sacrifice my social life, but I will try to have solo dates.

Lord, I need You more than ever. I don't know what I'm doing right now, help me to be in the right path. Give me a sign if there are life renovations I need to do. Amen. 

Releasing all self-doubt (2/2)

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAY:

Sad to say, there are no highlights for me today. My emotions got the best of me today. I got trigged because of this thing from the credit collection thing. I haven't paid anything yet. Well, I can't pay at all because I don't have the money for it.

I went to the park and I was really annoyed because my niece's bag had paint in it and I had to wash it.

Come dinner time, I ordered something I've been craving for a long time, but I got frustrated because the order was incomplete. Good thing tho the driver was able to return with the missing order.

WHAT DID I LEARN TODAY?

You attract what you think.

Maybe that's why negative things are happening to me because I think negatively. But then again, how can you think negatively when the aura you're surrounded with is negative to begin with?

Leave me alone to die.

Releasing all self-doubt (1/2)

DATE: February 15, 2025

I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

1. This morning routine. This is the only thing that I have been doing since waking up. Waking up, changing the bed, doing gratitude blogging while listening to music.

2. Waking up and having mood changed thanks to music. Dancing to feel good music this morning, especially good vibes songs that I'm very familiar with. I love to lip sync to these songs plus singing to them.

3. Being halfway done with The Good Place.

WHAT WOULD MAKE TODAY GREAT?

1. Hopefully finish the third season of The Good Place.

2. Receive my money from my sister.

3. A walk around the village.

DAILY AFFIRMATION:

"I release all self-doubt and trust that I am exactly where I need to be. I am open to new opportunities and experiences that will help me grow."

Just got my personalized Maya card. Kinakapa ko pa siya kung pano, so far I have pera pa naman but I don't want to gastos pa.

Alam mo yung feeling that you WANT to do something, but you CAN'T because you DON'T have the means? To be honest, I miss the time when I was somehow financially stable. Like despite struggling with finances, I was able to find time to buy things for myself- especially food.

With my financial situation now, I don't think I can do that anymore. It humbled me so hard and it was hard for me to accept because I'm not used to being broke. But since it's happening now, I have no choice but to accept it.

I'm still hopeful that in a few days, there will be a opening that is perfect for my needs - good pay, perfect work setup and I'll never experience my current situation now.

But for now, I will still look for jobs and try to live positively.

Here's to my future job, here's to divine timing, here's to financial stability and here's to finally being happy.

Being Kind to Myself (2/2)

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAY:

1. Greeting the people I love a Happy Valentines Day. I guess I greeted almost everyone. Bonus na lang if I get a greeting back.

2. The Good Place. I'm already more than halfway done with the second season.

3. Chowking for dinner. Akala ko late kami makakakain ng dinner kasi ang lala.

4. Folding my washed underwear.

WHAT DID I LEARN TODAY?

Valentines Day is more than just thing couples celebrate. Anyone can celebrate Valentines Day in their own way.

Kunwari meron akong Valentine, and that's good enough for me. I didn't do much today, just stayed by my niece who was having her online class. I folded my washed underwear and socks. I watched mostly The Good Place. I missed watching it like sobra. Maybe because of Manny Jacinto.

Also, I've downloaded yung The Secret ebook plus I will watch The Secret documentary in a bit. Maybe once I watch this, I can start with the Law of Attraction once again.

I'm glad na hindi ko naiisip ang pressure on finding work. From here on out, my priority is changing my mindset.

Being Kind to Myself (1/2)

DATE: February 14, 2025

I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

1. Rejection. While this gives me frustration at the moment, this will give me humility and an opportunity to self-assess. I guess they're right about rejection being a redirection. Another fact is time passes by, so when will I get my well-deserved redirection?

2. Friends who are always there. They would reach out right away. But there are some emotions that I have to deal on my own.

3. My Valentine. I know walang ganap, but for once - I can feel naman na may Valentine ako kahit broke ako this year. Sobrang love ko tong taong to.

WHAT WOULD MAKE TODAY GREAT?

1. Being kinder to myself today. Ayoko munang ma-pressure. There's a time for that.

2. A walk in the park.

3. Receiving Valentines Day greetings after sending them.

DAILY AFFIRMATION:

"I am kind, compassionate, and loving towards myself. I acknowledge my worth, my strengths, and my resilience."

Hindi maganda gising ko today sa totoo lang, pero this blogging kinda helps. It's a good thing that it is becoming part of my routine now.

I guess the rejection now is making me lose my motivation in finding a job. Unti-unti akong nawawalan ng purpose. Unti-unti kong narerealize na hindi naman talaga ako magaling. Ayoko lang talaga ma-pressure sarili ko. I just want inner peace now. I can bounce back naman. Sana naman may magbigay ng signs for a work opportunity tapos magkakaroon naman ako. Paano ba mag manifest?

So help me, God.

Rest, Relaxation, and Self-Care (2/2)

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAY:

1. Did my laundry today! I usually do laundry for my underwear tapos clothes naman are through laundromat. Nakakahiya naman kung ipapalaba ko pa yun dun hahaha.

2. Took a nap today. Nakakapagod talaga ang household chores, fulfilling pa rin siya in a way.

3. Restarted watching some series - The Good Place and The Boyfriend. Hindi ko rin alam bakit ko sinimulang panuorin ang The Boyfriend.

WHAT DID I LEARN TODAY? 

Well, wala. Okay lang naman na wala akong natutunan for today no?

Rest, Relaxation, and Self-Care (1/2)

DATE: February 13, 2025

I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

1. Rohto Z. These eye drops usually wake me up and lessen the redness on my eyes. Rohto Z is my eye caffeine.

2. The Good Place. I've been rewatching the series since it's special in my heart. Plus, Manny Jacinto is a babe.

3. People who did Wednesday Waffles with me yesterday. Marami yung sinendan ko ng waffles, but three people only sent videos back. Okay lang naman, tuloy pa rin yung pagsend ko ng waffles. Para sa sarili ko to.

WHAT WOULD MAKE TODAY GREAT?

1. Maglaba ng underwear!

2. Continue watching The Good Place.

3. Probably continue finding work opportunities, but I do want to rest.

DAILY AFFIRMATION:

"I am worthy of rest, relaxation, and self-care. I prioritize my well-being and trust that everything will get done in its own time."

For today, I don't have much intentions - only to wash my underwear lang. I just want a chill day without any stress, but I still get to enjoy it. Ganun lang tayo.

Also, I'm glad so far consistent tong habits na ginagawa ko:

- Morning and evening gratitude blogging

- Evening journaling

- Wednesday Waffle

Sana magtuloy tuloy. Love these small wins for me.

Start of Wednesday Waffle (2/2)

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAY:

1.Wednesday Waffle! I finally started doing it with my close friends. I'm not forcing them to make their videos, I will just continue sending them every Wednesday. At the end of the day, I'm doing this for myself... for my sanity.

2. I applied on a whim. I tried applying for Cyberbacker Careers as a virtual assistant and clearly I have no experience. I didn't know that their application process would be so fast - not going into full details but yeah.

3. I got to go around the park for my nature fix. Masaya because change of scenery lang.

4. I got to finally know the itsura of my kausap on the MoodTalker app. Mabait naman si girl, like we just met pero I love yung every day sanity check.

WHAT DID I LEARN TODAY?

When you want to do something, just start doing it.

Don't wait for the right time, gawin mo na.

Start of Wednesday Waffle (1/2)

DATE: February 12, 2025

I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

1. Wednesday Waffle. I just discovered this yesterday as a way to stay connected with friends. I will try to do this to some of my close friends.

2. An opportunity to start over again. I will attempt to find possible job opportunities and apply.

3. Following through this habit of journaling.

WHAT WOULD MAKE TODAY GREAT?

1. Sending Wednesday Waffles for the first time to my close friends.

2. Applying for as many openings as I can.

3. A walk in the park. 

DAILY AFFIRMATION:

"I am confident, capable, and deserving of success. I trust myself and my abilities, and I know that the right opportunities will come my way."

Today, I will try to look for jobs. I will apply as much as I can today.

I will also start sending Wednesday Waffles today. Basically, it's sending a 1-2 minute video of your life updates to friends every Wednesday. Anything goes naman with the video - whether positive or negative. It's a way to connect with my friends without the need for a catch up.

Wish me luck!

Every setback is a stepping stone (2/2)

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAY:

1. Opening a Maya account. I was a little frustrated with my ATM card being invalid so I had to open a Maya account so that I can have a backup of where I can have my money.

2. Finally paid my postpaid bill. Naloka ako na I was redirected so hindi ako pwede mahiwalay sa pamilya. Pero at least I wasn't that into social media then. Tamang live in your moment.

3. I got to sleep. Parang nakuha ko lahat ng pagod ko from the past few days and nabawi ko siya.

WHAT DID I LEARN TODAY?

"...on your path, you are never denied, and only redirected."

Eto yung nagstrike sakin when I found out this morning that hindi ko nakuha yung role sa ISS STOXX. Past me could've grieved over it, cried over it and asked why. But to be honest, I felt that I wouldn't be offered the role because after the interview I felt so bad parang nadale ako nang slight. Tapos the days after wasn't that good din so it was hard to manifest to get the job. I could've asked why but I got to let it go because... ganun talaga.

Tho I still want to keep in touch with the HR because she assured me that I can apply for other jobs in the company. Maybe the job is not meant for me talaga. So ayun. Puksaan na lang ulit bukas.

Every setback is a stepping stone (1/2)

DATE: February 11, 2025

I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

1. The ever-changing weather. It was about to rain when I went out, but it was already sunny when I got home.

2. Having settled my bills. I was able to pay for the Internet and my postpaid bill. I'm good for the rest of the month.

3. Today's setback. I received the news that the only company that reached out to me when I was applying, informed me that they will not offer the role to me. It was sad at first, but it is what it is.

WHAT WOULD MAKE TODAY GREAT?

1. A feel-good movie sounds nice.

2. A good nap.

3. Cleaning the house.

DAILY AFFIRMATION:

"I am strong, resilient, and capable. I trust that every setback is a stepping stone to something better."

It's tough to hear bad news early in the morning, but it's how you react to it. To be honest, I felt bad because I didn't do well and it was the ONLY that reached out to me. I couldn't help but beat myself up for the failure. However, part of me gives me solace - like, "It's okay. Maybe this is not for me."

I guess it's back to the drawing board again. Time to look for other jobs, hoping that I get to receive one. I need to recover fully so that I won't be half-assed while looking for a job. 

Capable, Confident, and Strong (2/2)

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAY:

1. Although heartbreaking, I was finally able to let go of my old phone of 6 years. Daming memories ng phone na yun sa totoo lang. But at some point, kailangan natin magbayad ng dapat bayarin.

2. Ramen Nagi for dinner! First time rin na kasama si sister.

3. Ang saya maging inner child, and trying to buy stuff na syempre within my means - I bought yung parang spray kineme kasi yung spray ko for my deodorant - nagclog yung spray so ayun.

WHAT DID I LEARN TODAY?

Things will eventually fall into place.

I almost lost hope today, kasi pag gising ko, I went out to pay the internet bill. Tapos for some reason, hindi nagwowork yung current ATM card ko. So I thought of selling my old phone, kasi kahapon ni-let go ng sister ko yung Apple Watch niya. So kahit papano, may nakuha akong pera. The pera is for paying the bills, especially the postpaid bills.

Ang saya rin to let loose after feeling the anxiety for so long.

Capable, Confident, and Strong (1/2)

DATE: February 10, 2025

I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

1. Waking up before the alarm.

2. Having an opportunity to walk outside.

3. Slowly getting the bills paid.

WHAT WOULD MAKE TODAY GREAT?

1. Me getting enough time to clear my mind from any anxiety.

2. Comfort food like ramen sounds nice.

3. Inner peace in the simplest of ways.

DAILY AFFIRMATION:

"I am capable, confident, and strong. I trust myself to make wise decisions and navigate life's challenges."

--

Adding here some random ramblings:

I woke up having to pay some bills - I prioritized paying the Internet because I feel, at the time, it was more important to pay that first. Currently, my postpaid has been partially redirected and I still have an outstanding balance for the remainder of the month. To make things worse, my ATM card was invalid. Plus I still have an outstanding credit balance with the bank. It sucks to be broke. I seriously need a financial miracle now.

In other news, I've decided to finally let go of my old phone. I've had a lot of memories there but, honestly, I need the money.

I hate that I have to walk on eggshells. I hate that I have to be on survival mode. How can I start over when the world is already against me? I need help. I need a miracle.

I hate that i have 

Release the past, embrace a brighter today (2/2)

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAY:

1. Baby shower - reunion with cousins!

2. Felt like a child again in Timezone.

3. Hope for a future job opportunity.

WHAT DID I LEARN TODAY?

Try to live in the moment.

Release the past, embrace a brighter today (1/2)

DATE: February 9, 2025

I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

1. An opportunity to turn around with what I'm feeling yesterday.

2. McDonald's for breakfast.

3. An attempt to keep my inner peace.

WHAT WOULD MAKE TODAY GREAT?

1. My cousin's baby shower.

2. Hopefully I get to pay bills.

3. Just steering away from drama.

DAILY AFFIRMATION:

"I release the past and welcome a brighter today."

Everything is working out for my highest good (2/2)

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAY:

1. Lunch with my family.

2. Downloading MoodTalker and opening up to a stranger.

3. Talking to my good friends about pageants.

WHAT DID I LEARN TODAY?

"People will always paint you as the bad guy, no matter how you speak up for yourself."

As much as I want to be grateful, today was honestly not it. Ang hirap to process emotions because wala namang choice to show up. I had to isolate myself just to feel my emotions. I don't want to show up half-assed baka may masabi pa kong hindi maganda.

Sorry, medyo hindi maganda ang eksena ko. But kahit papano, thankful pa rin ako for some people.

Everything is working out for my highest good (1/2)

DATE: February 8, 2025

I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

1. Trying to wake up before my supposed wake-up time. I was supposed to wake up at 8am.

2. Waking up without a headache., which I've been having for the past few days.

3. This journaling routine. From this online morning and evening journaling to my private written journaling.

WHAT WOULD MAKE TODAY GREAT?

1. Bills are getting paid - especially those that are in need.

2. A family gathering.

3. A catch-up with a friend.

DAILY AFFIRMATION:

"I trust that everything is working out for my highest good."

I honestly don't know which ride I'm on. I don't even know if the path that I'm on is currently under construction, but I'm here. While I haven't progressed on that path, I'm currently on a pit stop, recalibrating. Recalibration has so far been helpful, because if anything, having routines get your life together, no matter today's outcome is.

I can only hope and pray - but Lord, I'm looking for a sign. The job that You think is perfect for me. The job that I won't have a problem applying for it. The job that will help alleviate my current financial situation.

Lord, I'm tired of the trials and tribulations. I've been through all of that last year, time to give me something good. Please.

Worthy of Love, Care, and Respect (2/2)

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAY:

1. I had my first 7-hour sleep in forever. Only to be followed by another 3-hour sleep that led to a nightmare.

2. Food! Tocino and eggplants for lunch; Jollibee for dinner.

3. A family video call with my other niece that I miss so much.

WHAT DID I LEARN TODAY?

There's a Japanese legend that says, "if you feel like you're losing everything, remember, trees lose their leaves every year, yet they still stand tall and wait for better days to come.”

I've been doing nothing for three days now. I felt I lost hope after Tuesday night's interview. I felt like giving up. I felt like quitting. I felt I lost my purpose. I don't know how to start over. I think I need to validate these feelings first before I can move forward.

Let me just feel these emotions. I can start over. Let me overcome this first.

Random Ramblings 1: An Awful Dream

Taking a quick break from the usual gratitude journaling to dump this dream that I had this morning.

After doing the morning gratitude journaling, I wanted to sleep for at least an hour just so I can get on with my day. While it was good that I woke up early today, I woke up groggy because I had two tablets of melatonin before sleeping.

As I lay back to sleep, I was transported back to college. A deeply religious college. We were having a lecture then one of the nuns (that weirdly looked like Queen Latifah) stormed the classroom. She went to my place to tell me to write something on the board. Another weird thing that happened was I hurriedly went to the classroom board, took my pants off and wrote something (which I didn't remember at all). The Queen Latifah-looking nun was attempting to make fun of me but I fought back in a combination of aggressiveness and wit. I ruffled her feathers the way she ruffled mine.

Then came a montage of me that nun getting back at each other with things that I completely forgot. Fast forward to what it seemed like a graduation ceremony, I confronted the nun. I asked her why she ganged up on me and I broke down in the process.

I woke up really tired and with tears on my eyes. I'm not really big on dream interpretation, but what was the dream trying to tell me? Was there an underlying meaning related to my current situation? Or maybe I was just tired in general? I do notice that I get dreams or nightmares every time I'm tired.

Maybe I was just tired in life. I don't know.

Anyway, on with the show. I just posted to get this off my chest. More of this on my detailed evening journal tonight.

Worthy of Love, Care, and Respect (1/2)

DATE: February 7, 2025

I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

1. Almost 7 hours of sleep. I feel groggy right now and I'm still adjusting. I haven't figured out the perfect time in the morning to wake up.

2. Catching up with my best friend from Norway last night. It feels good talking to someone aside from my family.

3. Me putting an effort to adjust my life. I guess this is the only thing that I can do since I'm unemployed. For the sanity, for the happiness.

WHAT WOULD MAKE TODAY GREAT?

1. Less check on social media. Less consumption of negativity.

2. More time for me to recover. So far, this has been good.

3. Window shopping for possible jobs.

DAILY AFFIRMATION:

"I am worthy of love, care, and respect – from myself and others."

Being worthy of love, care and respect means that you're more than entitled to receive those three. It's part of being human. If you're not receiving at least one of those three, what's the point of living?

I currently show love, care and respect to myself by listening to it. I watch self-help or personal development videos on YouTube to help with my productivity. I try to lessen checking social media and instead of saying I love you to my friends, might as well send it to myself. Weird, but at least it won't be wasted.

It's still a work in progress but at least there's progress. I'll just sleep again for an hour then we start our day!

LET'S DO THIS! 

PS. Another day, another manifestation that I will be employed within this month!

Enough, Strong, and Capable (2/2)

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAY:

1. I ate good food today. Itlog na maalat and kalabasa for lunch. Turon for merienda. Pinaupong manok for dinner. In fairness, kinaya ng skinny stomach ko haha.

2. I had the time for myself once again. I took everything as it goes. Very chill lang ngayon. I watched yung documentaries regarding Fyre Festival. Naalala ko lang siya because of the recent cancellation of some music event.

3. My best friend Asha (who currently lives in Norway) reaching out. Maguusap kami later. 

4. Finally starting a more detailed evening journaling, hindi online but literally writing sa notebook. I have this notebook na binigay ng pamangkin ko when they found out that I got laid off sa previous job ko and might as well use it to journal about my life. Iwas overthink na rin.

WHAT DID I LEARN TODAY?

It's okay to take things slow.

Mahirap kasi mag-move on from what happened last Tuesday. I need to cope with it fully bago ako makausad. It sounds easy but it's hard to act upon it. Basically what I did today was just bed rotting, play the usual games and watch some documentaries.

I'm also trying to adjust my body to sleep at around 10-11pm - basta before midnight and then wake up around 4:30am. Lagi ako nag-aadjust para somehow maging productive ako to do stuff.

In fairness, I'm proud of myself for slowly starting a routine. Hindi pa siya ganung ka-solid pero at least may progress. I'm proud of myself for holding space with journaling.

Hopefully ma-achieve ko. Once matanggap ako sa inapplyan ko, I'm willing to adjust my body as well.

It's still a long way to go, but I am still hoping and claiming that I will get that job. Yan yung pinanghahawakan ko. Matatapos na ang malulungkot kong araw.

Enough, Strong, and Capable (1/2)

DATE: February 6, 2025

I AM GRATEFUL FOR:
1. Today's gising. I don't know what to feel at the moment, but I think waking up has become this so good.
2. Journaling slowly becoming a habit. I'm on my third day of doing this and I love that I get to do this. I don't know what to feel about it but at least I'm doing it.
3. Classical music to help me focus with this journaling and calming my anxious mind.

WHAT WOULD MAKE TODAY GREAT?
1. Attempting to adjust my body clock so that I can have a clear and consistent routine. Get a decent amount of sleep/
2. I guess catching up with a friend sounds nice. I haven't talked to anyone and really, hirap ako to reach out.
3. Another opportunity to release emotions because I feel like I still have emotional baggage. Or I still have something to release.

DAILY AFFIRMATION:
"I am enough, I am strong, and I am capable of handling whatever comes my way."

I woke up heavy, because I haven't had decent sleep since the interview. That didn't stop me though from doing this, which I believe is something that I look forward doing everyday. I guess it's a win for me.

Going back, since I woke up heavy - I can't think of an affirmation, so I would rely on Meta AI. My mind is blank but with this affirmation, in all honesty - I'm not sure on how will I resonate with this. I guess my intention for today is look for something that I can do, like worthwhile.

I don't want to pressure myself a lot today. But I guess I will try to change the mood that I'm feeling right now to a better one.

I MAY FEEL A CERTAIN TYPE OF WAY, BUT MY DELUSION IS STILL ON A HIGH THAT I AM MORE THAN READY AND WILLING TO HAVE A JOB -- THE JOB THAT I LONG FOR.

Strong, Resilient, and Capable (2/2)

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAY:

1. Slept. Binawi ko lang yung kahapon because I drank coffee at around 5pm yesterday. Kopiko Black pa. I went home from the interview pretty much tired, kahit one hour lang yun. Uminom ako ng alak para makatulog pero naghalo na yung emotions yesterday.

2. Watching A Man on the Inside on Netflix. 8 episodes lang siya and I'm almost done with the first season. Daming emotions, more on that on the third point.

3. Release of emotions. After months of feeling anxious, breakdowns and functional freezes, I FINALLY cried it all out. I feel na hindi pa lahat pero parang gusto ko pang umiyak. Watching the last half of A Man on the Inside helped kasi hindi matigil tigil yung luha ko.

WHAT DID I LEARN TODAY?

It's never wrong to feel emotions - especially if they're on the negative side. Tao ka, pwede mo maramdaman yung mga emotions. They're meant to be expressed, not repressed or suppressed.

Today was just... a lot for me emotionally na ultimately nakaka-manhid and autopilot na. As I type, nahihirapan ako maka-recover from yesterday. It sucks to feel na I blew the interview for the only company that has reached out to me. The increasing anxiety of possibly not being offered the role. The possible struggle of finding work. The possible pressure you face from my only surviving parent. The bills possibly not being paid. The fear of being broke - well, technically I'm broke.

There must be a reason why I'm going through this - and honestly, it sucks and it especially hurts that I have to deal with it. ALONE. Ni hindi mo makausap friends mo. Ni hindi ka makahingi ng tulong.
I honestly don't know what will happen tomorrow, but I hope that better days are coming my way.

IN ST. CAJETAN, ST. JOSEPH, AND JESUS, I PRAY. Let Your Will be done. Magkakatrabaho ako.

Strong, Resilient, and Capable (1/2)

DATE: February 5, 2025

I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

1. An opportunity to rest. After having anxiety for the past few days because of the interview, I'll give time for myself to rest and recover.

2. Letting go of what happened yesterday. To be honest, I'm not really sure if matatanggap ako pero sana naman oo. Pero starting today, I will let go of how I felt and shift it to a better and more positive mindset.

3. Still continuing with my morning routine, which is doing this gratitude journal. Ang hirap pero small win na yung tinutuloy ko pa to kahit ayoko for today haha. 

WHAT WOULD MAKE TODAY GREAT?

1. Yung feeling na makakapagbawi ako ng tulog. Give ko yan sa sarili ko the whole day.

2. Vitamin D exposure for 5-15 minutes. Para naman maarawan ako.

3. Watching some my favorite movies.

DAILY AFFIRMATION:

"I am strong, I am resilient, and I am capable of overcoming any obstacle that comes my way."

I love how my affirmation is connected to what happened yesterday. I feel so empowered reading the affirmation.

So for now, I'm just going to have time with myself lang. I'll log out of social media for today. I don't feel like talking to people for now. Pero kahit ganun, I still have hope that I'll get the job. Nothing wrong naman with having a little delusion, right?

STILL CLAIMING TO BE NEXT SALES SUPPORT ANALYST AT ISS STOXX. I'M MORE THAN READY TO COMMIT.

Trust (2/2)

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAY:

1. My interview happened today! I had a nervous start, but I think I was able to answer most of the questions. The waiting game starts now, I guess. I need all the prayers I can get.

2. Cooked my lunch. Hindi naman ako ganap na chef, pero ang kaya ko lang is instant noodles haha plus bread.

3. First time ko umalis mag-isa since September 2024 - As an Angkas girlie ako tapos fantasy ko yung mag-lakad sa bangketa.

WHAT DID I LEARN TODAY?

Pinaka-takeaway ko for today - you can never be too ready, especially when it comes to job interviews.

I prepared naman for the interview pero naloka ako na ni-isang pinagaralan ko, walang lumabas. Basically they based questions on my CV.

Another thing that I realized is - hard to accept - but hindi talaga ako ganun kagaling sa English. Magaling ako mag basa, no doubt about that but speaking as if natural, dun ang needs improvement. Hindi naman kasi yun ang language namin sa bahay. And I guess it's okay.

To be honest, I really don't know what to feel after my interview. Hindi ko alam if matatanggap ako or hindi. Sana naman oo, but I can only hope for the best. Prayers can help, but it can only do so much. If nasa akin si luck and si God, baka makuha ko yung job.

Personally naman, since eto yung nag-reach out sa lahat ng pinag applyan ko, I tried my best na galingan. I manifested for this and nag-set ako ng ultimatum. Once na magka-trabaho na ako, mawawalan ako ng social life (including family gatherings) and I'll prioritize talaga yung pagbayad ng mga utang ko for a year bago ako magparamdam socially. Ganyan ako ka-desperate magkaroon ng trabaho.

Pero ayun na nga, I did the best that I could. I could hope for the best - if I'm lucky to be chosen - tangina, ako yung pinakaswerteng tao sa mundo sa totoo lang! Naka-tengga na yung gif ni Beyonce na nagulat siya after winning Best Country Album sa Grammys - ganun ako ka-handa.

SO SANA NAMAN LORD, ST. JOSEPH, ST. CAJETAN. MOM??? If kaya niyo mag-intervene, go. I really need this job and I am more than willing to let go of my social life for the time being.

Trust (1/2)

DATE: February 4, 2025

I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

1. This morning routine I'm starting to do. Hindi talaga ako fan ng water before because wala siyang lasa. Na-realize ko lang na the more we grow up, the more important water is in our system.

 Magkaproblema ka na nang malala, basta  hydrated ka. Ang ganda ng classical music in the morning. Kalmado pero it helps you focus.

2. This day finally coming. Eto na yung final interview ko. Mamayang gabi siya and onsite siya. I have been reviewing my possible answers and I now have a look.

3. Less anxiety. I've been waking up taking deep breaths. Not really lessened, but a few progress is still progress, right?

WHAT WOULD MAKE TODAY GREAT?

1. If I get my answers right for tonight's interview. If bet ako ng mag-iinterview sa'kin.

2. Matuloy ko yung pagbasa ng Digital Minimalist. I was able to start last night before sleeping - buzzer beater pero still a win for me.

3. Prayers, support, confidence.

DAILY AFFIRMATION:

"I trust myself, I trust the process, and I trust that everything will work out for my highest good."

I love this affirmation. From now on, my entries for this will be based on my affirmations para may continuity.

Meta AI and ChatGPT are becoming my best friends lately. ChatGPT for my possible job interview answers and Meta AI for my prayers and affirmations. I used to do affirmations almost 6 years ago, but haven't continued since then.

Trusting the process has been a struggle for the longest time, especially recently. But when opportunities come up, which is madalas rare, dapat laban na. Wala nang patumpik-tumpik pa. As for this interview, I'm trying my best na galingan kasi I don't opportunities like this.

Grabe, mamaya na yung interview ko. Excited na kinakabahan talaga. The kaba will very likely increase later. May the stars align for me tonight.

I will walk in that office as if I'm already working there. I WILL BE THEIR NEW SALES SUPPORT ANALYST.

First Time doing Gratitude Journaling (2/2)

Ayan, we've reached the end of our first day of our gratitude journaling. For some reason, nakakapag-focus ako on 80s music. Monday was.. so far, so good. Pero napapansin ko lang talaga, once good things happen in my life and nababati ko - may kaakibat na eksena that is the total opposite ang mangyayari. In short, binabawian lang ako. Sana wag naman, medyo nakakapagod na.

But anyway here's what happened.

--

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAY:

1. Entertainment News - Beyonce winning at the Grammy Awards. Hindi naman talaga related sa'kin, but Beyonce is my idol. She finally won Album of the Year and she won Best Country Album - after being snubbed sa Country Music Awards. Chappell Roan won Best New Artist. Tapos Yllana Aduana is finally joining Miss Universe Philippines.

2. My good Judys Hannah and Tristan - Sobrang thankful ako kay Hannah. Like I said, she gave me my first job and she is now helping me financially. Panandalian lang naman and I told her na babayaran ko siya pag nagkaroon na ko ng work. Si Tristan naman, tinulungan ako with my look for tomorrow's interview.

3. Interview preparations - ChatGPT has been my best friend lately. Hindi masyadong practice pero I know the main thought for some interview questions. I still have time to review for tomorrow. I need to come up with previous experience as examples.

WHAT DID I LEARN TODAY?

1. When starting with something - just do it. It starts with a single step. Wag muna advanced mag-isip, ang mahalaga may nasimulan.

2. One day at a time, but show up pa rin - kahit nakakatakot. Show up pa rin. May plano ako to read a book pero hindi ko pa nasisimulan.

3. You can never be too ready. Kakabahan at kakabahan pa rin. Pero dapat slay pa rin.

--

Sabi 5 minutes pero bat parang matagal? Charing. At least nasimulan na. I'm proud of you, self. Excited yet anxious ako for tomorrow and hopefully ready ako with the help of the good Lord Almighty.

MATATANGGAP AKO. MAGKAKATRABAHO AKO. GET INTO IT. LET'S DO THIS.

First Time doing Gratitude Journaling (1/2)

Okay, so first time ko 'tong gagawin... intentionally. Honestly, hindi ko alam yung gagawin pero andito na tayo. Sa bawat pagtype, unti-unti tayong umuusad at wala nang bawian.

Nakita ko to sa friend ko na si Iman. Nag-post kasi siya ng morning routine niya before going to the gym. Watching that, na-inspire ang gay to do the same, with some minor tweaks. Syempre hindi natin fully gagayahin yung routine niya, divine?

Before this kasi, parang napunta sa standstill yung life ko lately. Everything went down since na-lay off ako nung May last year. I chose this naman, but di ko naman alam na ang sakit pala ng ganun. I chose to rest din pero nawili ang bading. Ayun, grabe yung anxiety levels because walang mahanap na work due to pressure and overdue balances. Somehow may nag-reach out naman for an interview and HOPEFULLY - eto na ang sagot ko sa kahirapan. Kaya now pa lang, sisimulan ko na 'to. Para malihis naman ako sa anxiety ko.

I've downloaded this format somewhere and merong 5 minutes to journal in the morning and to journal tonight. So baka ganun ang gawin ko. Gagawin ko na tong journal dump.
So here goes.

--

DATE: February 3, 2025

I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

1. A new day. Nagigising ako nang maaga. Hindi ako nakakapagcheck agad ng phone. Well, very quick lang if may notifs but nothing more.

2.  Itong playlist na pinapakinggan ko now. It's a playlist of classical songs na nagamit sa isang K-drama about a person in the autism spectrum doing trauma cleaning. Habang naglilinis siya, ito yung pinapakinggan niyang playlist to keep him focused. Somehow, nagkakaroon siya ng effect sa akin, which is good, I guess?

3. Starting this gratitude journaling. I've been wanting to do this for the longest time. Pero hindi ko alam pano, or either tamad ako. Okay, excuses pero at least I'm proud of my decision to start doing this.
 
WHAT WOULD MAKE TODAY GREAT?

1. Sa tingin ko, magiging great ngayon if I focus on reviewing the job description for tomorrow's job interview. May interview ako tomorrow night. On-site siya and I need to review nang malala for it. Sa lahat ng inapplyan ko, eto lang yung nag-reach out sakin. Ako naman, whichever opportunity shows up, grab naman ang bading. Hopefully, mabawasan ang kaba ng bading. Hindi umabot sa anxiety levels.

2. Start reading a new book. I downloaded yung Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World ni Cal Newport. Ang tagal ko na ring hindi nakakapagbasa ng book. I think the last time I finished one was Paulo Coelho's By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept. E-Book siya so at least hindi social media ang habol ko sa phone.

3. Yung for once, hindi ko maramdaman ang anxiety. Ang pangit ng feeling, sa totoo lang. Pinapawisan ka, bigla ka namang titigil, maglalakad ka nang paikot ikot for no reason. I just need peace for today. I need all the good juju I get for tomorrow's interview. I just realized na medyo crucial ang week na to for me kasi tomorrow ang interview, which is I think yung final one, tapos within the week ko malalaman if tanggap ako or hindi. So ayun - hoping, praying, claiming that I get the job.

DAILY AFFIRMATION:

"I am capable, I am strong, and I am grateful for all the blessings in my life."

Yung daily affirmation, nakuha ko lang sa Meta AI - somehow grateful for it. Ang ganda kasi swak siya sa gratitude journal na sisimulan ko today. Also I haven't been those in a long time so it's nice to hear it again and isapuso siya for today.

--

In fairness, it took me more than five minutes for me to do this, pero ang dami ko nang nasulat. Ang sarap pala nitong gawin, tapos classical music pa yung background mo.

I hope and I pray na matuloy ko siya. I will hold space for this one. May part 2 pa ng gratitude journal later.

So with that, I shall go on with my day and get back with the evening prompts later.