HIGHLIGHTS OF THE DAY:
1. Slept. Binawi ko lang yung kahapon because I drank coffee at around 5pm yesterday. Kopiko Black pa. I went home from the interview pretty much tired, kahit one hour lang yun. Uminom ako ng alak para makatulog pero naghalo na yung emotions yesterday.
2. Watching A Man on the Inside on Netflix. 8 episodes lang siya and I'm almost done with the first season. Daming emotions, more on that on the third point.
3. Release of emotions. After months of feeling anxious, breakdowns and functional freezes, I FINALLY cried it all out. I feel na hindi pa lahat pero parang gusto ko pang umiyak. Watching the last half of A Man on the Inside helped kasi hindi matigil tigil yung luha ko.
WHAT DID I LEARN TODAY?
It's never wrong to feel emotions - especially if they're on the negative side. Tao ka, pwede mo maramdaman yung mga emotions. They're meant to be expressed, not repressed or suppressed.
Today was just... a lot for me emotionally na ultimately nakaka-manhid and autopilot na. As I type, nahihirapan ako maka-recover from yesterday. It sucks to feel na I blew the interview for the only company that has reached out to me. The increasing anxiety of possibly not being offered the role. The possible struggle of finding work. The possible pressure you face from my only surviving parent. The bills possibly not being paid. The fear of being broke - well, technically I'm broke.
There must be a reason why I'm going through this - and honestly, it sucks and it especially hurts that I have to deal with it. ALONE. Ni hindi mo makausap friends mo. Ni hindi ka makahingi ng tulong.
I honestly don't know what will happen tomorrow, but I hope that better days are coming my way.
I honestly don't know what will happen tomorrow, but I hope that better days are coming my way.
IN ST. CAJETAN, ST. JOSEPH, AND JESUS, I PRAY. Let Your Will be done. Magkakatrabaho ako.
